Dear Judy,
My husband and I were going through a very nasty divorce, involving 3 kids (17,14 and 10), charges of adultery (mine..but I had my reasons) and of course money (his) — when in the midst of all the legal wrangling he suffered a major stroke. And died about a day later. He was a big drinker, even an alcoholic, and he smoked a pack a day. So: big surprise.
Now I’ve got the title of “widow” perched on my head like a golden crown. Widows, as you probably know, are a lot more socially acceptable, even today, than divorcees. Especially in Georgia, where I live, which is a place where everyone is offering sympathy for absolutely everything, hangnails included.
Every time I go to a dinner party these days, when someone learns about my marital status, they summon a tragic face and mutter consoling words about how their hearts go out to me. Or that I will likely resume my relationship with my late spouse in the Afterlife.
Which would really be my definition of Hell.
I feel, in other words, like a complete fraud and a hypocrite.
So Judy, what should I say when people ask me if I’m married? “I’m a widow — thank God!” doesn’t seem quite appropriate. But: “I’m a grieving widow” or “My late husband was a saint” would be a total lie.
Got any suggestions for something in between?
Susan in Atlanta
Dear Susan,
What’s with all these explanations? You don’t owe social acquaintances anything more than the barebones facts. If someone inquires about your marital status, a simple, “I’m a widow” is quite enough.
But here’s an answer to what you didn’t ask. Your feelings about your late husband: keep them to yourself. You really don’t want your children to hear about them.
Thank you for wriitng
Judy
Instead, you might introduce yourself as a cheating money grabbing bitch.
sometimes the truth is best. ‘my late husband and i were talking of divorce when he died’ should spare you the pity and no one will ask further.
Susan,
Who among your close friends knows your real feelings? My guess is that you probably told them about how much you detested your mnow deceased husband. If you have, you may want to ask them to keep it to themselves, especially since you live in such a “caring” and “nosey” society.
Robin