Dear Judy,
My brother and I are completely at odds over this. Our mother, who is only 46, has been declining rapidly lately. For the last 2 years she’s been suffering a lot (brain tumor and it’s inoperable, although there was some radiation that shrank its growth).
Obviously for some time now our father has been suffering as well, so in a way I’m sympathetic, in a way not. He has a new woman in his life. I sort of knew before last week. So did my brother. Then our father took my brother and me out to dinner, and there she was at the restaurant table, waiting for all 3 of us!
I feel, whatever he’s doing privately should be kept private. I am not a kid (I’m 22) but I did not want to meet this woman, especially not with my mother dying nearby. Although obviously she is in no condition now to know what’s going on.
My brother feels it’s time we all adjusted to reality. He says our father needs company and some fun in his life. I say, he should wait. I’m not having much fun either, but life isn’t all about fun, is it?
What do you think?
Sharon
Dear Sharon,
I’m so very sorry about your mother. She is obviously constantly on your mind, and the whole situation must hurt terribly.
What’s on your father’s mind is really difficult to fathom. Obviously he feels deprived of any real life. But I agree with you: you and your brother should have been spared any extramarital introductions while you’re mother is so very sick.
However — you’re not going to change your father, are you?
On the other hand, there’s no need to comply with his wishes. In your shoes, I would decline any further invitations to see your father’s new companion. You don’t need an excuse. Just say what’s on your mind: that your mother’s failing health is too preoccupying and you are too unhappy to meet anyone new in his life.
Thank you for writing
Judy
My opinion: Sharon and her brother should initiate a serious conversation with their father. They’re all in the same boat, in a way, which is why they should keep the line off comunication open. No point in holding a grudge against him or his lady friend.
That father sound like a lech. I hope Sharon and her brother can rely on each other because it seems like there’s no one else.
Oh grow up, Sharon. Basically your father has been a widower for 2 years. Stop judging.