Dear Judy,
Our mother has Alzheimer’s and it’s pretty advanced. My older brother, who is 37 and never has done a day’s work in his life and never has spent much time with the rest of us, suddenly discovered in the last months how much he loves our mother and needs to be around her.
He even moved in with her. He’s been away from home since he was 17, so you can imagine what the rest of us are thinking (I also have a twin sister)
My sister and I think he’s trying to influence our mother to re-write her will. Or even re-writing it for her. Her original will, both of us know, left him with just $1,000 and my sister and I inherit the rest.
We’re worried. What do we do?
Lesley
Dear Lesley,
If you haven’t already, you should get an Alzheimer’s specialist to check your mother now, and write up a report and date it. That way at least if anything untoward occurs, you have proof of your mother’s condition — and even more important how advanced that condition is. Alzheimer’s is a progressive disease, and if your mother is far gone, that should be noted.
Second, now is the time to hire an estate lawyer and hand that lawyer a copy of your mother’s will as well as a copy of the medical specialist’s report on your mother. Tell the lawyer of your concerns. I’m sure you’ll get good advice.
Finally, visit your mother. Often. You and your sister can ask questions, both of her and your brother. She may not be able to remember much and your brother may not want to remember much. But at least your presence will be noted, and may serve as a kind of warning to your brother.
And of course, rummage around your mother’s place from time to time. Tell your mother and your brother you are looking for bills, checks, whatever.
Thanks for writing
Judy
