Dear Judy,
Alzheimers has taken so much of my mother’s mind that she can’t even recognize her own grown children, me included. Needless to say, we are all devastated. Yesterday her doctor told my younger sister and me that within very short order our mother won’t even be able to swallow. The doctor wanted to know if we, her children, were in favor of his inserting a feeding tube.
Frankly, I didn’t know what to say. My older sister and I are against inserting a feeding tube and prolonging my mother’s so-called life, to be honest. But the youngest sister (she is 34), hates the idea of seeing our mother starve to death.
And to be honest, when I hear the words “starve to death,” it freaks me out too. So what do we do?
Larry in Philadelphia
Dear Larry,
Have you consulted your mother’s lawyer (or gone through her papers, perhaps in a safety deposit box) to find out if your mother has a Living Will?
If she has one, you are off the hook: very likely that document mentions who is empowered to make end-of-life decisions for her in the event she is incapacitated. The decision to accept (or refuse) “artificially supplied nutrition,” intravenous feedings, and tubes is often included in such documents — and it’s up to the person your mother selected to make that final choice for her.
If no Living Will is found, then I will tell you what I and most hospice volunteers learn during many hours of training and work. The dying don’t crave food. It is the healthy who are horrified when their loved ones lose appetite, because we tend to associate food with love.
The dying in their own way know better. Food is for energy. Energy is for the living.
Thank you for writing
Judy
