Dear Judy,
I’m 60, and I had a recent health scare. It turned out to be nothing serious, but I think I really learned something from the experience. I want to start preparing now for the inevitable.
But my stabs at wise planning — Living Will, funeral planning (I want cremation) etc — are scaring the hell out of my family. My sister especially who still, at 57, still considers me her “big sister” — the person who’s supposed to be invulnerable and, I guess, immortal. Even my husband feels I’m being “pessimistic.” Yes, that’s just what he said: “You’re being pessimistic.” Like if I were really just a happy, cockeyed optimist I’d live forever.
How do I address this whole issue without weirding out the family?
Susan B in New York
Dear Susan B,
You’re making all the smart decisions, you’re just not going about it the right way.
Frankly, you don’t need to apprise your family of all the decisions right away. (You will have to tell your husband if you’ve made him your attorney-in-fact, with the right to make end of life health care decisions for you, but that’s about it). You might mention the Living Will one year. Then bring up what kind of funeral you desire a year or so later.
Of course you are going to put all these wishes in writing, so no one can forget or get confused in time of crisis. And you’re going to make copies. But I know I didn’t have to tell you all that, because you happen to be a wise planner.
(Congratulations).
And thank you for writing.
Judy
Moreover, you should revise your will periodically, to adjust to new circumstances. when you are gone, everyone will be grateful to you for the trouble you saved them. Spare only very young children from info on your planning.