Dear Judy,
Our 24-year-old daughter often drops by the apartment of a family friend with lung cancer. He is in his late 50’s, his wife works and isn’t usually home til around 6 pm, and our daughter is just nice that way.
She reads to this friend, talks to him, calls the pharmacy for refills, things like that. She expects to stay a couple of hours, and then go off to work (she works for an on-air television personality, mainly at night).
But lately pretty often, the wife calls in and says she needs a few extra hours at the office, and could my daughter pinch-hit? She’s done this at least five times. Our daughter, as I mentioned, is really nice, but her boss, the television personality, is not. He’s been getting grumpy when she comes in late for work.
I told my daughter to just say “NO!” And inform our friend’s wife, that it’s time for her to take over her own husband’s care. My daughter says she feels “funny about doing that.”
I said I would write and ask you.
Laura
Dear Laura,
You mean your 24-year-old daughter who is lucky enought to hold down a steady job in a rotten economy doesn’t know how or when to say “NO”….
I’d say backbone is the issue. The wife of your friend is simply doing what most users do when they encounter someone as malleable as your daughter. Squeezing her dry.
Part of me wants to suggest you step in and put a stop to this. On the other hand, I think it’s time your daughter did that for herself. By all means, though, have her write in if she has any more questions on how to extricate herself.
Thank you for writing
Judy
Laura should help her daughter — and speak to the friend. Teaching her to be assertive is important — but she should start carefully and slowly with Assertiveness 101. You can’t expect a young woman to hold her own against a. a much older woman who is b. obviously very demanding c. has a sick husband and d. is a family friend.