Dear Judy,
Here’s my problem, and I hope you can tell me what to do. I am supposed to go to a funeral next week: a dear friend was killed in a freak accident. But I had promised to go to my niece’s graduation which takes place, far away, on the same day.
My friend’s husband and kids whom I know well will all be at the funeral of course. But my wonderful niece is graduating from college, and I want to be there!
What do I do. I’ll feel guilty and terrible either way. Which role do I choose, in other words: bad aunt or bad friend.
Terri
Dear Terri,
I go with attending your niece’s graduation. Here’s why.
Your niece, fortunately, is alive and well and clearly you relish her company — as well as her success.
Your friend is gone. There’s nothing you can do about that. Of course you want to make sure you are still in contact with her family, but in your place, Iwould write a long note before the funeral explaining your dilemma. Explain too that you would give a lot to go to the funeral, but that family matters call you away.
Then visit your friend’s family as much as possible, both before and after your niece’s graduation. Bring casseroles, flowers, sympathy.
That way of course they will miss you at the funeral. But they will never think of you as neglectful, and you’ll all remain good friends.
Which is what you want.
Thank you for writing
Judy
