Dear Judy,
My boyfriend’s father has been diagnosed with cancer, and it’s bad.
I live miles away from him, and most of our conversations are via Skype on the Internet. However, my point is I really like him and want to be there for him.
Unfortunately, I have no idea of how to help him with what he’s going through. What should I tell him? How can I be there for him when I can’t be there?
Sara
Dear Sara,
It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your boyfriend’s father, but for a lot of reasons, I believe there’s a limit to what you can do.
The first is the problem you brought up: you live far away from him. I always tell people with terminally sick friends who live out of state to send them items they know they will enjoy: CD’s if you know his taste in music. DVD’s if he loves movies. Books. Candy.
In other words, there’s lots you can do to remind this man you care about him.
However: don’t overdo it. You are not a daughter-in-law. You are not engaged to his son. By all means stay in touch via Skype. And send him thoughtful gifts. But most of the caring, the talks, the emails should be handled by his own son.
Thanks for writing
Judy
