Dear Judy,
My sister and I haven’t spoken in years. We never got along, but when we were in our 20’s she did something so awful I can’t bring myself to mention it or I’ll be in tears. It had to do with my sexuality is all I’ll say.
Anyway, she’s just been diagnosed with breast cancer (both breasts) and my live-in girlfriend says I should visit her because that’s what sisters do (an exact quote…)
I told her most siblings accept you for who you are and don’t pass judgment like mine did, loudly, openly and in front of people not related to us.
I don’t want to see her, sick or well. My partner says I will never forgive myself if I don’t try to “heal” (another exact quote!). Who’s right?
Gaby
Dear Gaby,
I don’t know about healing. But your partner is onto something. Maybe you chose her for that reason: it sounds as though she has common sense.
Let’s put it this way: What do you have to lose? If things go smoothly during your visit, you’ve helped to restore a relationship. Maybe it will be a short relationship, but it could be important to you both.
And if she’s just as horrible as before, a distinct possibility for which you should prepare yourself, then make the visit short. Do not argue or insult her. Just go.
I’d say it’s worth a shot.
Thanks for writing,
Judy
