Dear Judy,
I’m not sure if I’m terminally ill or not. I am 37, single, and my breast cancer — yes the same cancer they told me was out of my life forever — has recurred, as I discovered last week.
The usual treatment advised: mastectomy, radiation, chemo. After 6 years of being supposedly cancer-free this is a big shock. Also last year I broke up with my boyfriend, so that means I’m facing this alone. My oncologist is telling me almost nothing about my chances for survival. Just a brusque, we-have-to-see-how-the-treatments-work.
Do you know the answer to this question?
Kate
Dear Kate,
To answer your most important question first: No I do not know what your longterm survival odds are because I don’t know all the details (and neither so far does your doctor, since you’ve just been diagnosed, and I’ll bet they haven’t yet checked your lymph nodes).
But I found it significant that you report your doctor’s attitude as “brusque.” That’s inexcusable and it probably means you should be looking around for another oncologist. Maybe one who, depending on circumstances, also throws tamoxifen (aka Istubal) into the mix of possible treatments.
I know this isn’t the best time to start search for a really competent and undertanding breast cancer specialist: you’re feeling that there’s too much on your plate already. But I’ll bet, given your last experience with breast cancer 6 years ago, you have friends or acquaintances who have been treated by excellent doctors they might recommend.
So please ask. And by the way: single or married, it doesn’t matter. Surround yourself with good friends, ask them to help out now that you’re sick again. I’ll bet that with a community of people who care about you, your care will also improve, and you’ll be in a better position to deal with the recurrence.
Thank you for writing
Judy
My sympathies to Kate
Kate, a lot has changed in six years, both in research, survival and treatments available. Align yourself with an oncologist you feel comfortable with and look for a supportive palliative team This has nothing to do with Hospice!!! But is an adjunct physician (and staff) that includes looking at you as a whole person, not just a breast. It will include treating the physical, emotional and spiritual distress of your disease process. I wish you well.
Kate, I’m so sorry about your recurrence. It is a very scary thing and often much harder to handle than even the original shocking diagnosis. But, there are a lot of us out there, even though the public is led to believe during the upcoming “pink month” that early detection will save everyone.
There is an online very active community of women with metastatic breast cancer (bcmets.org), and you will find support & humor and a place to vent by visiting it or a number of other sites. Finding a compassionate and very competent oncologist that has a caring staff will make a huge difference in your life. I wish you all the best.