Comments on: Callous Friend: What Do I Say? Or Not Say?

By: Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:10:24 +0000

Just to clarify for Avalon, the woman who “waved her little hand” did not express sympathy at that time. So the resentment was not toward a person who expressed sympathy. It was directed at a woman who asked “how are you?” which from my experience is one of the most loaded questions for someone who is grieving. The woman may not know that, but many times body language and previous interactions give the bereaved a good sense in whether this person cares, and wants to really know, or wants to here everything is ok and the same after you lose a loved one.
People who forget or ignore that someone has had a loss in their life, may do it for a variety of reasons. It still hurts, even if they may have done so because they don’t want to embarass you or cry in public. It hurts if they forget. But as Carmen stated, it happens. I agree with her response, but I know sometimes you want to let someone know they hurt you or made you mad. While that may help you feel like you stood up for yourself and your child if you do that, I feel that if it’s just an aquantance, and the chance of having to interact with her again (even though you work with her) is slim, let it go. You don’t need the gossip mill running. If you are going to have to interact a lot, then tell her, in private, how much it angers you. Then there is no scene and you get to espress your feelings.

By: Maggie

Maggie — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 13:04:13 +0000

Avalon may be a therapist, but her b-s comment makes it clear she never lost a child. I know. Been there, and it’s hell.

By: Avalon

Avalon — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:29:03 +0000

I am sorry to say this about Lannie, but Frances is right. When she says that the friend “waved her little hand,” she expresses irrational anger. (I’m a therapist and I’ve seen this before, needless to say). And while it’s perfectly normal to be angry at the situation, people who express sympathy her should not be the object of this resentment. She should get professional help, or find a support group and leave as much of her anger there as possible.

By: Frances

Frances — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 11:32:49 +0000

Lannie, you say that woman “barely acknowledged” your tragedy. Well that means she did acknowledge it, somehow or other, when it happened. Now she sees you in a public place. Do you expect her to weep into your wine glass? So what DO you expect? Obviously, you are hurting. But do yourself a favor: define your expectations before you decide that the entire world is insensitive.