Dear Judy,
I have a moral question, not really a legal question. My brother is, and has always been, short of funds. He had an expensive education paid for by our late mother, and went to law school, and has done nothing with it. Sometimes he works, sometimes not.
He’s in my will as the main beneficiary because I don’t have a husband or children. My good friends don’t need the money. I am not in good health. Breast cancer twice.
My question: my brother and I don’t get along. He’s a leech. I don’t think he was a good husband, and I know he’s not a good father to his only son, now 20, and into lots of drugs. Do you think it would be moral and right for me to remove him from my Will, and give my estate to my 2 best friends, even though they have money and he doesn’t?
To me, it would just be a way of communicating to my friends how very dear they are to me and always will be, even when I’m dead if that makes any sense. My brother is blood. But is that enough?
Leah
Dear Leah,
It’s your money and your estate. Leave them to the people who matter most to you.
Thank you for writing
Judy
What about leaving the estate to your brother’s son, the drug-addled nephew? He is 20 and will be getting nothing from his father.
Leah should try talking NOW to her brother, and imply he just might be left out of her will. A threat like that, calmly but clearly delivered, might be just the wake-up call he needs to improve his disposition.
Judy is right: Leah should do whatever she wants with her money, leave it wherever she wants too. Here’s an idea, though: why not give friends a personal memento, like a piece of jewelry, while still alive? And in her will, create a grant for a struggling student or some other good deed. On TV we see all the time there are places in the world where a dollar a day will feed a child and keep her in school. Or bequeath a lot of money to breast cancer research? The possibilities beyond giving it to people to whom it would make no difference are endless. Also: Doing good will even make you live longer.
It’s a shame that the sense of family is lost in this situation. But Judy is right, if you don’t believe he deserves the money, don’t give it to him. After all, he’s your brother. You would know whether he deserves the money or not better than anyone.
How cold can you be to cut out your own brother? I don’t care what’s happened between you two, he should get something! Especially if he needs the money! Stop thinking of yourself, when the time comes you’ll be dead anyway.
I could not agree more with Selwyn…give your money where you get the most peace. Giving a personal piece of jewelry is great idea for your friends. Set up a foundation or give something where your heart leads you and where it may do some good. Or…here is an idea…take a trip with your friends what better gift! Spend time with those you love and make memories together.