Dear Judy,
I know this is an off-the-wall question (my girlfriend at least thinks so), but I’m the type who likes to think ahead. Besides, I’ve had prostate cancer in the past, and while they think that’s cleared up pretty well, what the hell do doctors really know?
So I’ve been thinking about The End. And decided I want to be cremated when I pass. I told everybody this, and yes, it’s also in my will. Also, my girlfriend and my grown daughter have been told, and agree to it. So that part’s fine.
But I’ve been making the rounds of funeral homes for comparison shopping while I’m pretty healthy, as I notice your web sit suggests, and they keep pushing all these expensive urns on me($430 for an ugly piece of pottery!!).
Do I have to buy? Or can I, say, find an old cigar box with a firm lid or some old bowl I have hanging around the apartment? I personally don’t think I’ll be looking at my surroundings too much after I’m gone.
Larry
Dear Larry,
I personally don’t think you’ll be worrying about your environment either after cremation, but people sure do worry about it beforehand, don’t they?
As it happens, Holly Stevens, who is the project leader of Undertaken with Love: A Home Funeral Guide for Congregations and Communities, knows the answer to your question.
The Federal Trade Commission, which formulates the rules all funeral homes must abide by, says Stevens, makes it clear that any customer can get a casket from any place he chooses — the funeral home or elsewhere (online shopping for caskets is a great idea, and so easy!).
But funeral urns for those who choose cremation? You have to dig deep into FTC materials to find out:
“Try searching for “urn” in the actual text,” Stevens writes, and you get nothing. However: “The FTC pamphlet “Paying Final Respects” does specifically extend the casket rule to urns by saying “You have the right to … Provide the funeral home with a casket or urn you purchase elsewhere.”
So by all means rummage around your apartment and find an appropriate — and free– vessel. Your heirs will thank you!
And I thank you for writing
Judy
Cigar box! I love it! But personally, I prefer an empty scotch bottle. Although I wonder how to get all those ashes into the bottle, without bits of me flying off…
I don’t get the saving the ashes bit, especially since, if they don’t get lost in moving or aren’t broken while cleaning, a few generations later some great-grandchild ends holding an urn of someone whose name they don’t even know. Also, some people are spooked by being around an urn with ashes. So why not have your ashes scattered? That’s what I want when it’s all over…