Dear Judy,
I know you don’t usually deal with bequest issues. But this is important to me. My grandmother died at 85 last month, and left everything she had to the five of us — her grandchildren. We are all adults. I’m the only guy. I get all the money, it turns out. The female grandchildren get her jewels, which are pretty nice.
Our grandmother was moderately wealthy, as you can tell from the details of this email. There are a number of brooches, very old fashioned, with rubies in the shape of dragons or flowers and a few with emeralds, and two very pretty diamond solitaires, and also some valuable earrings and pearl neckleaces (real pearls, not cultured).
I think it’s ridiculous that the money wasn’t evenly distributed to my sisters and two female cousins. I also, frankly, would like one of the knock-your-socks-off large diamond rings to give to my girlfriend, on the day I propose to her.
So — do you think we can exchange money for jewelry and vice versa? Should we? My female cousins say they are perfectly happy with the arrangement as it stands (I think their jewels are worth a lot…). My sister says she’ll go along with whatever is easiest for the family.
Tell me what you think.
Ralph in Maryland
Dear Ralph,
Here’s what I think. Your cousins have spoken. Their word should be final. Your sister, it seems to me, is also pleased with the arrangement as it stands, but would prefer not to quarrel with you over a matter of diamond rings.
What she is essentially saying, in other words, is you should leave her alone to enjoy the jewels she has rightfully inherited.
Since you got the cash — all the cash –and you appear to enjoy old jewelry, why not visit an estate sale? Or drop by your local jewelers to see what’s in the window. I’ll be these days, in times of hard economic news, you can get a very pretty diamond solitaire ring for your girlfriend at a very nice price. And now that you have the cash on hand to buy it, you can also leave your relatives in peace.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
Oh please! It doesn’t need to be a cooperative effort. For instance: your sister who says she will do whatever is easiest for the family, obviously doesn’t object to trading jewels for money, and seems, from what you claim, willing to make some kind of a deal with you. Meaning it’s no one’s business but yours and your sister’s who gets what in the family.
Excuse me — what’s with all that talk of jewelry? Women need money. The days when the only wealth a woman could accumulate was what she could wear around her neck or on her fingers and wrists is long past.
I’m no diamond expert, but I think Judy is absolutely right. Money gives you freedom. Jewelry, on the the other hand, loses value every time it’s sold and re-sold.
Message to Sylvie: Cut the drama. Even affluent people have problems. It was a reasonable question. I think it’s ok for Ralph to ask for a jewel from his grandmother’s estate, especially since he wants to pass it on to his future wife.
It seems to me that one member of the family gets the ring. So if Ralph wants that ring so badly, he simply negotiates a price with the person who inherits it. End of story.
Bart