Dear Judy,
When my own mother died, I gave her good friends all sorts of items that belonged to her: beautiful evening bags from Judith Leibner that cost a fortune, expensive porcelain, $400 Hermes scarves that she either hadn’t ever worn or had worn rarely. That kind of thing.
A good friend of mine just died last month. On the one hand I’m kind of reluctant to suggest to her three (grown) daughters that they do just what I did, namely leave the rest of us a few mementos – lest they think I’m “asking” for something.
On the other, Judy, I know that the three of them feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff their mother left behind — some of it really lovely. They just don’t have the kind of closet space that would accommodate all my late friend’s clothing, shoes, etc. (I know because I have been to their apartments). And a lot of the stuff, like the scarves, they don’t even want! Is there a graceful way for me to suggest they pass along some of this bounty, as I once did? No one can use everything left behind by a deceased parent.
Am I right?
Tina in New York
Dear Tina,
I don’t care if you’re right. You’re wrong. Keep your thoughts about recycling your late friend’s worldly goods to yourself. If you want another Hermes scarf, buy it.
Thanks for writing.
Judy
