Dear Judy,
I bet you never had this question before. When I was four my father vanished. I was told he was dead by everyone. My mother, my aunts, even my older sister (she is really my half-sister, and she’s 12 years older than me).
So now I’m 17, and come to find out my father is not dead. He’s in jail. For life. As you probably guessed, it was my half-sister who told me while we were smoking weed, and it all spilled out. My mother wasn’t exactly married to my father, but they did live together for a long time. Then she found out a lot about him and realized what a terrible guy he was, then he was sentenced, and she stopped talking about him or speaking to him. He was dead. To her, I guess. And to the rest of my family and their friends.
Now that she told me about my father and his prison sentence, my half-sister refuses to talk about it. She’s kind of embarrassed she said anything, and also relieved my father is not her father.
Do I mention what I know to my mother? To anyone?
Also, should I visit my father in jail? I don’t really remember him.
Kevin
Dear Kevin,
I think it’s way past time for you to hear about your father from your mother. She’s the only one who knows the whole story, and while she may approach the story from a specific viewpoint, at least she won’t be discussing your father while smoking grass. The account will be lucid and to the point — I hope.
So yes, talk to your mother about your father.
Then, depending on what exactly you learn, think about it for a while. Ask your relatives about your father. Learn as much as you can about him and his life — and his crime.
After all that, take your time. Write him a letter. If he writes back, and you like what he writes and feel a visit might be worthwhile, then go. If, however, you don’t like his response, drop the idea.
Sometimes the people closest to us in blood are close to us only in blood.
Thank you for writing
Judy
