Dear Judy,
My mother told me to write you. I am 12 years old, going on 13 pretty soon. My father died 3 years ago of cancer.
Now my mom is re-married which is okay with me and maybe even my sister. My step-dad wants me to take his last name and change mine. He’s nice, but a little strict. My Dad wasn’t that strict.
I really want to keep my Dad’s last name. But I don’t want to hurt my step-dad’s feelings because I have to live with him. My mother says, either way is okay with her, but she doesn’t know what to do either which is why she told me to write you for advice.
Do you have any?
Gary
Dear Gary,
I’m very sorry about your father. I am sure you must miss him a lot, which is why you don’t want to give up his name.
I think, so you won’t hurt his feelings, it would be a good idea for you to sit down with your stepfather, maybe during a weekend when he’s feeling less stressed, and explain that part to him. That you like him, but you also miss your father a lot. And your last name is important to you because of him.
Tell him this has nothing to do with him. Just a lot to do with your memories.
Oh — and the strictness issue? When people are very sick, which I’m assuming your father was since he had cancer, they don’t have the energy to be strict or forceful. If you’re father had been healthy, he might have been strict. Many (good) parents and stepparents are. Give the guy a chance. And if you want to, keep your name.
Thanks for writing
Judy
