Dear Judy
I’m so mad I can’t see straight. My mother’s favorite brother just died, and of course I expected to go to the funeral because we all loved my uncle.
But guess what? It turns out his adult children — my first cousins — are adamently opposed to funerals, which one of them calls “death festivals”! So first, I was called and told to come to my uncle’s funeral. And then the 3 cousins made some kind of unilateral decision not to hold one!
Have you ever heard of such a thing? I feel completely “dissed” and so, by the way, does my mother.
Becky
Dear Becky,
So sorry about your uncle. And sorry too that you received mixed signals. But why you — or your mother — should feel snubbed is beyond me.
I know you think of a funeral as a form of respect, and of course it is (or can be….in many instances…). But not having a funeral is not a form of disrespect.
It’s a decision.
And it’s not your decision.
For all you know, it might have been your favorite uncle’s decision.
So send a condolence note to your cousins. Mourn your uncle in your own way. And by the way: tell your mother what I just told you.
Thank you for writing
Judy
