Dear Judy,
I’m having a hard time dealing with my father-in-law who has Alzheimer’s, no longer in the beginning stage. His health habits are disgusting, you can smell him a mile off. And he’s often irrationally angry at me.
Now my husband wants him to come with with us?
What do I do?
MaryAnn
Dear Mary Ann,
I know I’m going to catch a lot of flak from what I’m about to write from loving caretakers. But I never recommend that any relative or in-law take in an Alzheimer’s patient — if an assisted living facility is affordable.
Simply put: Alzheimer’s is a long haul. And everything — your father-in-law’s incontinence, his inability to bathe correctly, his diminished acuity and rage — will undoubtedly get worse.
Check to see if your father-in-law has long-term care insurance. If he’s been paying those premiums for year’s, now’s the time to make the company pay up (and if it doesn’t — as many assisted living facilities recently informed me — get yourself a lawyer to write a few meaninful letters to the insurance company. A lawyer’s letter can work miracles).
Even if you’re in the medical profession yourself, you’re in no position to be working around the clock for an in-law. The tensions are too great. The tensions with your spouse will be even greater.
Thank you for writing,
Judy
