Dear Judy,
The man my mother married when I was 13 is now dying of lung cancer. My mother has just informed me I have to spend time with him at least one evening or afternoon a week. (So does his grown son, but that guy is a blood relative. I’m not).
My stepfather was always perfectly decent to me, but growing up, I really resented him, as you can probably tell. I think he broke up my parents’ marriage, and I know my father never got over it. Obviously I have issues about the whole thing. Also, dying has always freaked me out, and I’m very uncomfortable around sick people generally.
I just don’t know what to do.
Marie in Tampa
Dear Marie,
I think right now you should be thinking about your mother. I’m assuming she is overwhelmed with your stepfather’s illness. Lung cancer demands a lot of time, a lot of medical attention and a lot of care.
I’m going to ask you just now to suspend judgment. You don’t know that your stepfather broke up your parents’ marriage. You just suspect it. You do know, however, that your stepfather was very decent to you, growing up, which — trust me — not every stepfather is.
So try being decent back.
Thank you for writing.
Judy
