Dear Judy,
I am 34 and my fiance is 66. I know that’s a big age gap, but we are in love, this will be my first marriage (his 3rd), and we are planning a September wedding.
The problem is, family and friends. Maybe you’ve heard this before: They tell me my fiance could “die at any time” because he’s so much older than me. That I could “be a widow soon.” That he’s in the “Alzheimer’s range.” All sorts of stuff. I never even asked their opinion, so I’m really pissed.
My question: do you think their comments have any validity? I mean is it really foolish for someone my age to marry a person that much older? Will he die on me?
Jill
Dear Jill,
I have no idea if your fiance will “die on you,” as you put it. But some things I do know.
Yes, there’s a fair chance (almost 50 percent) that older people will get Alzheimer’s: but they usually have to be 80 or older to get it. Yes, there’s a greater possibility that a man much older than you will die before you do. But there’s also a great possibility that a man the same age as you would die before you do as well: men tend to live shorter lives than women generally.
And yes, your family and friends are being intrusive and you are right to be “pissed off.” But get over it. You’re getting married to someone you love.
Be happy. And thanks for writing
Judy
