Dear Judy,
8 years ago I lost both my mother and my beloved brother simultaneously in a car crash, my mother who had bad vision at the wheel.
At the time I got a lot of sympathy, especially from a close friend. Now her live-in lover died (lung cancer) and she keeps saying stuff like, “I realize you can’t possibly understand what it’s like but….” And then goes on and on about how much she’s hurting.
But how can she say I can’t understand? Surely she remembers I lost 2 family members at once?
What do I say when she says crazy stuff like that? Or should I just keep my mouth shut and say nothing?
Ginnie
Dear Ginnie,
The latter, I’m afraid. Sometimes, no matter what the provocation, it’s just wisest and kindest to say nothing.
I know you’re outraged: Your good friend can’t remember how much you suffered? What’s wrong with her? Amnesia? Dementia?
But very likely, she isn’t thinking at all. She’s just reacting. She’s overwhelmed by the tragedy that recently took place in her life, and that leaves no room for recollecting what happened in yours.
In time, a new equilibrium will be established, and things will get back to normal. But it will take a while. Be patient.
And be kind
Thank you for writing
Judy
