Dear Judy,
Last week I got a bad diagnosis. I have esophogeal cancer. I figured it wouldn’t be good, so I am not that surprised.
But the problem is my wife of 3 years. She is very dependent. I think maybe I chose her knowing that and even liking it. My last wife was bossy, dominant and took over no matter what the situation.
I think when she learns of my diagnosis, which obviously is bad, she won’t be able to handle it, will fall apart. So what do I do? Can I get a mutual friend to tell her the news, and sort of come in at the end of the discussion? Or leave it til I’m on my last legs?
Chris
Dear Chris,
I don’t know your wife, but I do know this: You have to be the one to tell her. And you have to do it now.
Why? Because if you wife is so dependent, as you suggest, then she needs above all to know that despite your illness, the important details of her own life will be effectively handled, no matter what. The Will. The house, if there is one. The insurance. The tax issues that will arrive. The names and numbers of accountants, lawyers and insurance companies.
In other words, especially if she is totally reliant on you, you must assure her that her trust has been well placed. That her life will continue with strong support, even if you succomb to cancer.
And besides: she may surprise you. She may become, for better or worse, your support. So tell her. Now.
Thanks for writing
Judy
