Dear Judy,
I’m 16. My father said I should write you. My grandfather died last night, and I don’t want to go to his funeral which will be in a few days. My father says I have to.
I don’t see why. My grandfather was a real racist. It used to embarrass me when he talked. He talked a lot, and I won’t go into what he said. I wasn’t allowed to quarrel with him. My mom said it wouldn’t do any good and anyway, he was sick and would die soon.
He did die. But I don’t feel right about going to the funeral. Also, I have an Afro-American girlfriend who is great.
Do I have to?
Andy
Dear Andy,
Personally, I don’t believe in dragging teenagers to anything but school. And I also don’t believe in pretending to mourn someone you never much liked.
Having said all that, I assume you love and respect your parents. I’m not telling you that you have to do everything they expect. I’m just saying — as you’ll learn when you’re a bit older — that sometimes we do things for people out of love. Even things we hate to do.
I’m just asking you to weigh your options. You can stay home from the funeral and be true to your beliefs, which is okay. Or you can go to the funeral and make your parents happy.
I do think the options are up to you. And that you’re old enough and smart enough to pick one.
Thank you for writing
Judy
Andy is old enough to drive in some states and almost old enough to vote. He is old enough to pay respect to a man whithout whom he would not be on this earth.
Hey Andy, want this to be an issue between you and your parents for the rest of your life? Just go, and get it over and done with.
Go. With your girlfriend.