Dear Judy,
I facilitate grief support groups and have been comfortable with the children I work with. However, a school counselor has asked me to sit in while she explains to a 10-year-old boy that Hospice care has been called in for his Grandfather (who in the absence of a real father is basically that child’s dad).
What should my part in any of this be? What support can I offer since I don’t know the child?
Rick
Dear Rick,
You are certainly involved in noble work, as I’m sure you’ve heard many times. And it is always delicate work when you are dealing with a child who will soon be bereft and may — or may not – know it or acknowledge it.
How can you help? First, I would discuss with the counselor herself the kind of support both of you might have in mind. I would also suggest, if this is amenable to everyone, occasionally phoning the 10-year-old and possibly visiting him (if the child’s guardian is okay with that, and is also present). There are a million questions kids invariably have about death when someone close to them is dying, and they aren’t always comfortable asking them.
So in my opinion it would be a good idea initially to talk with the child about those issues that are less tragic, but which also concern him: school, friends, teachers, hobbies, sports.
After a while, I would ease into discussions of her grandfather, and ask specifically about those questions she may have. This will take time, maybe a lot of time. But she should be prepared for the loss that will soon occur, and you are the person best equipped to do that. Take your cues from her.
Thank you for writing
Judy
