Dear Judy,
My companion for the last 5 years was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The pain isn’t that bad — yet. He knows the disease is fatal, so he’s under no illusions about anything.
The problem is: he expects company night and day. Not just me. Friends. Brothers (he has 4); his elderly mother who pretty crazy and always has been. My father. My older sister and my cousin. Histwin cousins whom he hasn’t seen for maybe 6 years because never liked them — he said.
If he doesn’t have company here in the apartment, he phones in for it, like phoning in for a pizza or for Chinese delivery. Our condo is pretty small (just 2 bedrooms) and compact, and all this company is driving me crazy. I come home from work at night, ready for a quiet talk or even no talk, just the TV or maybe some good CDs. But there’s always a crowd, with my companion the emcee.
Any way I can stop this and resume a quasi-normal life? Without all the noise and the intrusions? I know he’s dying and wants company to cheer him up, but if this keeps up it will destroy whatever’s left between us.
Zoe
Dear Zoe,
Your live-in companion is just doing what a lot of terminally ill people do, on being told the bad news: he’s trying to escape. This is normal, maybe even helpful (to him, I realize — not to you).
Since you understand so much about your friend, I’m sure you realize he doesn’t have very long to live. Perhaps a year at the outside. In other words, what I’m saying is, you won’t have to put up with the constant company, the round-the-clock noise, the intrusions of people you — and he – don’t especially like for very long.
I’m not saying you’re going to miss all that when your friend dies. But you’ll certainly, from what you write, miss him. So let him rule the roost for this brief time, however noisy and disruptive that roost now is.
Thank you for writing
Judy
If there’s always company in the condo, maybe Zoe can go out on her own some nights, take in a movie, visit with one of her friends, or just cool out somewhere. It will help a lot, I think. Because I’ve been there, done that.
Funny isn’t it, how we all escape in our own way? Carey’s input is good advice.Take some time out for yourself…in the midst of chaos…find calm. Personally, shoe shopping works for me
How selfish! Just let the man have his guests, it’s his right. She should really lay off him and just let him have his guests.