Dear Judy,
Our mother remarried years ago. She and her 2nd husband are now both 78, both with coronary issues. My mother had a heart attack last year.
I am 40, and not married, and I help out as much as I can. My older brother doesn’t do a damn thing. He says he has “a demanding job” (Like I don’t?). He says with 4 kids and no live-in help, he and his wife, a true bitch by the way, are doing all they can to help our mother and stepfather.
Which translated means they’re doing nothing. I meanwhile help clean their apartment once a week, shop for their groceries, make casseroles, call the doctors and the drugstore to refill prescriptions, drive them to appointments, the works.
How can I get my brother to help? He says he provides some money (not a lot…) for their support, and that should be enough.
Gloria
Dear Gloria,
The short answer is: You can’t.
You’ve already asked your brother for his help with your mother and her husband, and he has given you his answer. Repeat requests will produce only repeat refusals.
So stop.
Think of other ways help might be provided. You say your brother provides some financial support. How about hiriing a once-a-week housekeeper?
You say you’re the one who shops for groceries and prepares the meals. These days a number of outfits do the shopping and even the cooking (FreshDirect is one, and it’s very good), so your mother and stepfather can have meals they select without the bother. You say you take care of refills and pick up prescriptions. Tell the local drugstore to deliver the drugs to the house.
In other words, A) you are doing too much and B) you don’t need to be a martyr. Ask for help elsewhere. You’ll get it — and have a lot more free time for yourself.
Thanks for writing
Judy
