Dear Judy,
My daughter died of breast cancer which spread everywhere. That was 3 years ago. There are 4 kids, my grandchildren, and the oldest is 12. It’s all very tragic, and I’m still not recovered really. Every time I see the eldest, who is beautiful with light brown hair, I see my own daughter’s face.
My even bigger source of stress is my son-in-law who remarried 8 months ago. I thought it was a bit soon, but I guess it’s not my business. They had a very big wedding, and the bride who is 41 and overweight wore a long white gown and a rhinestone tiara. My grandchildren either held the train (the oldest) or springled rose petals everywhere.
I didn’t know where to put myself. I thought it was insulting to my daughter’s memory, and ridiculous for the bride. I keep my mouth shut but it hurts.
Can you suggest something I should do to make the pain diminish? I don’t want to talk to my son-in-law about how I feel and anyway it’s too late. Right?
Ellie
Dear Ellie,
I am so sorry about your daughter. That kind of pain and grief is hard to bear, and you are doing a good job, so far, by not discussing your feelings about remarriage with your son-in-law.
Your task now is to keep on remaining very quiet.
I realize you believe your son-in-law remarried too soon. And that you also think he married the wrong person and married her too early. And that you don’t approve of her choice of ceremony or the wedding dress or the tiara.
But you know what? The only important issue is your grandchildren. Will she be good to them? Good for them?
And as important: Will you have regular access to those grandchildren? Will you be a big part of their lives?
My bet is if you keep your sartorial feelings to yourself and never utter a word about either the wedding or its timing, you will.
Thank you for writing
Judy
