Dear Judy,
I am a trained hospice nurse, have been for 2 years now, and I think I’m doing important work (also I love your web site. It’s a real smart idea, and I know you bring a lot of good advice and good experience to the job). I do have a non-job-related problem though with my own life.
I am single. Every time I meet someone at a party or wherever, and they ask me what I do for a living it’s like the lights go out. The other person gets ve-e-ry quiet. If he does talk, he kind of stutters and says something like, oh how nice.
Needless to say this is not real great for my social life. I’m sure if I left it at “I’m a nurse,” they’d want me in bed that night! Everyone assumes (wrongly) that nurses are hot.
So what to do, Judy? I don’t want to lie. I don’t want the I’m-a-nurse response without elaborating on what kind of nurse. I’m proud of what I do.
Felicia
Dear Felicia,
Of course you’re proud of what you do. I’m proud of what you do, too.
I’m going to be really boring and sanctimonious here — not my usual gig, I realize, but it’s the only advice I can give. Yes, tell whoever asks the truth. If he’s scared off by the nature of your work, he’s a schmuck and you don’t want him anyway.
However — in your shoes, I would go a bit further. Don’t just leave supply your listener with your title: hospice nurse. Explain exactly what you do: the hours you put in, the type of patients you encounter and how you deal with them, the kinds of pain management medications you might administer, the help you give the families.
Even though more than 2.4 million people die in this country every year, most Americans — still — choose not to think it will happen to them or anyone they know.A fuller explanation of what you do puts your work in context, establishes its value and, by the way, makes it less gruesome to the ignorant.
Thank you for writing
Judy
People in every profession date and marry. If Felicia thinks her speciality is a turn-off, perhaps she isn’t dislpaying the kind of confidence that will attract a man. The turn-off is not what she does for a living, but the message she sends on how she feels about it. She should examine her own behaviour.
Sure, Judy, she should definitely describe her work, but why stop at the medications? Details of the gunk and the goo she handles every day will do wonders to her love life!
Judy, you are right. Any man who does not appreciate what she does is not worthy of her. In forty years of working with nurses, I learnt to know many and found them to be among the kindest mothers and considerate wives: they know what is important in life, and compassion is second nature to them.
Health care is probably the largest segment of the US economy and one of the few that is growing. It is hard to believe that Felicia can’t find a social life with other people in health, who recognize the work she does. But I would guess it is the same for people working in the morgue, undertakers, garbage collectors and the and the like; namely, her problem is far wider than the reaction to hospice work. (I myself am a “waste management” professional; and my girlfriend appreciates it.
I can relate. I have been in this field 10 years now. Most people are naturally curious so I tell them, “I am a nurse and I specialize in palliative and hospice care.” I take every opportunity afforded to me to educate and truth be told there are many in the medical field as well as the general public who can benefit from “a learning moment”.