Dear Judy,
I am a recently trained Hospice volunteer and though I have been trained, and though I agree that my being there and listening and holding their hands does bring them comfort (and brings me a great sense of joy and privilege to be there, more feelings of worth than I ever dreamed) I struggle before each visit the question “What can I do today to make this clients day better and a meaningful one so near the end of life.”
I knew my first patient for two visits. He was able to communicate and we talked at length.
He is gone now, and my current (and 2nd ever) patient has a neurological disease similar to Parkinson’s, and though I can tell he has an extremely quick wit, he cannot verbalize his thoughts unless he exerts great effort.
He watches TV and listens to CDs while I am there, and I feel less useful than I did with my first patient when we could talk for hours.
I have been pounding the internet (with little success until I found you and this site) for “experiences” of other volunteers, hoping for advice on how to “brighten” my patients spirits when I visit, though we cannot verbally communicate, and he has no ability to use his hands.
Do you have some thoughts?
Bob in Texas
Dear Bob,
Thank you for what you’re doing — and for caring enough to try to do it better.
I do have some ideas for dealing with yur patient with the neurological disease.
Sometimes, I have found, alert patients with difficulty communicating appreciate being read to. It makes them less frustrated (because they don’t have to communicate — or even struggle to try – when they are listening) and many find it entertaining.
Since this person has, as you’ve sensed, “a quick wit” — you might try finding out what books he appreciates simply by showing him a collection of possible reading matter, one by one, and watching his reactions. I think you’ll be able to tell pretty quickly which ones, if any, he enjoys.
Also — since you mention that he watches TV — you might, through Netflix, or a library stocked with free film DVDs, see which movies he most enjoys in much the same way. Just type up a number of movie titles, and point, one by one, to the “menu” of possibilities. Watching his expression as he views the titles might give you an idea of which films he likes.
And finally — and believe me, I don’t know if this is up your alley, but it does cheer some people up — you might try either cooking for him or getting him treats, Muffins, ice cream, corned beef hash…. Whatever suits him, whatever you and he think appropriate.
Thank you for writing.
Judy
I can barely bring myself to visit a close relative in a hospice — really I’m very squeamish about dying people. Any thoughts on how to get over this? I feel like a jerk, but I have to be honest!
So to Bob and all the volunteers out there — you’re a better person than I am…
Curtis, do not beat yourself up. With a close relative there is an emotional component and that makes the visit that much more difficult. I second your virtual “high five” to all volunteers out there, they are a special group. We could not do our job without them!!