Comments on: How Can I Care for My Mother Without Help?

By: Maria

Maria — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 18:24:24 +0000

This may be the way your sister is dealing with your mother’s illness. She may be in denial. When my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, my brother went to Californina, and left me to take care of my mother. Yes, this was awful, and yes, it I was angry at him for a very long time. However, I did find it in my heart to forgive him. But, most importantly, I will always know that I stood by my mother in her time of need. It was not easy by all means. I understand how much you have on your plate right now. I recommend that you not use any more precious engery on your unhelpful sister. She will come to terms with what is happening in her own time. Yes, it seems so selfish of her right now, but things may change. You are doing the right thing. Always remember that. Take care, and I pray that you will have the strength to get through what you need to each day. You are in crisis mode right now. It may get worse before you feel better. However, stay strong, and focus on your mother for now.

By: Jeanne Frye, RN, CHPN

Jeanne Frye, RN, CHPN — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 19:19:36 +0000

I would agree, Judy…hospice and palliative programs have social workers who deal with this sort of problem regularly. This writer needs to call in her nickels where ever they are. Church, neighbors, friends, if you can pull together enough people the tasks can be divided so not one person is doing it all. Then again, some folks do it all and complain they have no help. Either way, it is a hard row to hoe as they out here.

By: Bobby

Bobby — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 16:38:24 +0000

Make sure Eileen’s mother is aware of how much Eileen is shouldering — and indicate indirectly how unhelpful her sister is.I bet Eileen’s mother would get the message and get the message to the sister. And if there is any inheritance in the picture, this would affect how the unemployed sister behaves!

By: tunis

tunis — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 11:32:36 +0000

The only way this will work is if there is an ironclad agreement between the sisters that on one day a week the sister is responsible — and on another Eileen is resonsible. On the days that either has a problem, they should hire a taxi. In the long run it will lower stress and aggrievation

By: Paul

Paul — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 07:39:57 +0000

Eileen sounds like a caring person. She probably has many friends, and good friends can be better than bad family. They would be happy to help her when necessary. Recognizing need and asking for help are not a sign of weakness. If they were, it is permissible to be weak sometimes!

By: Willa

Willa — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 07:31:31 +0000

I can bet you anything that the sister has an entirely different explanantion for the same facts. She probably believes that when their mother fell sick, Eileen made all the arrangements and all the decisions on her own — and allocated the only time in the schedule when she herself couldn’t perform (Tuesdays), to the sister. The sister feels that she is not being treated like a partner, but only as someone expected to fill in as a substitue. She also very likely feels she is constantly being judged. If Eileen wants to change this, and hopes to have some kind of decent relationship with her sister after their mother dies, she should initiate an honest conversation, mediated by an objective third party, probably a professional.