Dear Judy,
My insane brother — and I don’t use that word loosely — is insisting our terminally ill mother get “everything she deserves.” Mom is under hospice care: she has metastatic breast cancer which has gone to the bone.
She is a brave person, but she’s had enough, and left us specific instructions. My brother, who hasn’t visited her in six years until now, says he wants every intervention available to prolong her life. This is not what she wants.
How do I prevent him from interfering with our mother’s wishes?
Kelly
Dear Kelly,
It’s always the family member who hasn’t visited who screams the loudest when the end is near. I know that’s cold comfort, but it is typical behavior. It doesn’t mean your brother is nuts, as you suspect. It means he feels guilty.
Here’s an important question: Did your mother put her end-of-life wishes in writing? Does she have a Living Will or a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care?
If the answer is Yes, she’s in luck (so are you) — especially if you’re the one who has power of attorney. That means in most states that you are the person responsible for carrying out your mother’s wishes — and not your brother.
There are states where such documents may carry little or no weight (New York is one, unfortunately). But most states and most hospitals and doctors, if shown the documents, will abide by them. So keep a copy on hand at all times.
Thank you for writing
Judy
