Dear Judy,
Our mother was always the most difficult person on the planet, but now that she’s a lot older, it’s gotten worse. If possible.
Everyone in the family pitches in to help her out now that she needs chemo and radiation: she has laryngeal cancer. Two of us — my brother and I — drive her to her treatments. When we can’t, my younger sister, who’s a prominent attorney, sends a cab to take her to and from (and pays for it too!), but doesn’t accompany my mother. My younger sister has a lot on her plate, she’s very much in demand.
The problem is: our mother is pissed at her. She’s from another generation. She thinks cabs are “overpriced,” and “ridiculous expenses” and is furious with my sister.
I think my sister thought of a sensible solution to Mom’s transportation problems. What do you think?
Allie
Dear Allie,
What mothers say and what they are thinking are often two different things entirely. Even when they’re famously “difficult,” as you describe your mother.
I think your mother is more upset by your sister’s resistance to accompanying her than she is about the cost of the cab. Chemo can be pretty grueling, especially for an old lady, and personally, I don’t think your sister’s solution to the transportation is “sensible” (as you put it). In fact, I think it’s insensitive.
So in this case, count me in your mother’s corner. Busy or not — prominent or not — your sister should help her out. In person.
Thanks for writing
Judy
