Dear Judy,
Four years ago, I discovered I had breast cancer. Not a good thing, and it gets worse: it metastasized. My live-in of the era decamped (couldn’t stand the sight of me being sick, he said), and the next thing I knew he was living with someone new.
Long story short: it’s pretty obvious he felt guilty about what he did because he started volunteering at a hospice in our area. I hear he’s pretty good at what he does.
Here’s what pisses me off, though. I also hear that a lot of times when someone with advanced breast cancer checks into the hospice, he tells them about his “girlfriend” who had the same illness, and how he helped her through those many dark hours when it metastasized, etc. etc. and held her hand while she barfed after chemo.
Which obviously he never did.
How can I correct “the record” and make sure the old hypocrite shuts up for good? Should I phone him and tell him I know what he’s up to and here’s one person who doesn’t buy his con game? Should I phone the hospice and say I’m fed up with being trotted out as Exhibit A to dying patients?
Among other things, these walks down memory lane invade my privacy. Also, they’re a pack of lies.
Jeannette
Dear Jeannette,
I know there’s nothing more aggravating and infuriating than an ex-lover who behaved like a louse pretending he didn’t. But phoning your former friend won’t do the trick.
I agree completely that if the louse mentions you by name to patients in the hospice he is absolutely invading your privacy — and that can be stopped. Under government HIPAA laws , your former companion is out of bounds if he mentions your name and your illness to others, and in your place, I would certainly inform the hospice administrator of this infraction.
I’m absolutely certain that will put an end to the revelations of your voluble ex-friend.
Thank you for writing
Judy
Harboring anger is bad for anyone’s health. She should forgive, not for him but for her, and let it go.
Forgive? Not so fast!. She should phone Mr. Clara Barton and tell him to stop referring publicly to her illness — even without using her name. No harm in showing him she knows all about him and what the bastard’s up to these days — but no need to involve the poor hospice.
Life is full of ironies and minor forms of retribution. Judy missed the clues here, totally. Jeanette seems to have moved on with her life, but the bastard she once lived with is, it seems obvious, still mired in guilt. In fact it’s clearly obsessing him, which is why he talks about her illness to strangers. That won’t go away very soon.
Nothing we ever do is good enough for you women. If we don’t jump at your every whim, we are insensitive. If we show sensitivity, we are hypocrites. Is there an owner’s manual somewhere? Because I really give up trying to figure this one out.
I would agree with Judy. It sounds like a HIPPA HIPPA HOORAY violation. If Jeannette is “hearing” this in the public, then it is safe to say it may qualify as a violation of her privacy. Call the hospice, file a complaint with them. That should put him on notice and off the track for using her as his “example”.
PS: Jeannette, after that move on, girl! We all live until we die.