Dear Judy,
I’m told my husband is dead. For the past year or so, as maybe you can figure out, I haven’t known where he was, and also his relatives, especially his mother and father, aren’t speaking to me. He sort of disappeared and that was that.
But when I found out through a friend that she’d heard he’d died, I wanted to know where he was. No one will tell me. I’d like to either go to his funeral or visit his grave or something. I don’t know what to do.
Celia
Dear Celia,
I don’t entirely know what you should do either, because the situation you describe sounds pretty confusing and very ambiguous, and you sure don’t provide a lot of details. But here are a few thoughts:
First: Try to find out if in fact your husband is in fact really dead, or simply in hiding. The mutual friend might give you the source of her information. Call that person. Ask whether there is a funeral, a memorial service, a grave.
Second: Even if your late husband’s parents aren’t speaking to you, I bet you know someone close to him who might. Siblings? An aunt? A friendly neighbor? The family lawyer? (Especially the family lawyer, if one exists: As a wife you are entitled in many states, as I’m sure you probably realize, to a portion of his estate: this right may account for the silence of certain of your husband’s relatives).
Finally, if none of this works, get yourself a lawyer — especially if there is an estate — and have that lawyer call or write your husband’s parents. A lawyer’s letter often works miracles.
Thank you for writing
Judy
