Comments on: If She’s Terminal: Tell the Truth — Now http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/if-shes-terminal-tell-the-truth-now/ Advice for Dying and Death - When Sympathy Isnt Enough Fri, 18 May 2012 11:37:02 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Jeanne Frye, RN, CHPN http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/if-shes-terminal-tell-the-truth-now/comment-page-1/#comment-14728 Jeanne Frye, RN, CHPN Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:09:11 +0000 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/?p=922#comment-14728 Judy, interesting posts to be sure...If we think that most people "know" they are dying or at the very least, not getting better, that is probably true. But knowing something and verbalizing it can be be a different matter. Tips for friends or relatives of those who are with those who just will not admit they are dying: 1. Tell them you will be on their team no matter what. Apply hug. 2. Reinforce reality in baby steps..."I've noticed you are not eating much, do you have an appetite for anything special?" "You seem to be sleeping alot more now?" etc.... 3. Tell them you will be there for them no matter what....yes, there is a theme here! 4. "This is hard for both of us." Acknowledgement helps. Apply another hug. 5. Practice being a "presence" ....just be there, and listen. "Can we just sit together? " Just my 2.5 cents....Thanks to the group for sharing! Judy, interesting posts to be sure…If we think that most people “know” they are dying or at the very least, not getting better, that is probably true. But knowing something and verbalizing it can be be a different matter.

Tips for friends or relatives of those who are with those who just will not admit they are dying:
1. Tell them you will be on their team no matter what. Apply hug.
2. Reinforce reality in baby steps…”I’ve noticed you are not eating much, do you have an appetite for anything special?” “You seem to be sleeping alot more now?” etc….
3. Tell them you will be there for them no matter what….yes, there is a theme here!
4. “This is hard for both of us.” Acknowledgement helps. Apply another hug.
5. Practice being a “presence” ….just be there, and listen. “Can we just sit together? ”

Just my 2.5 cents….Thanks to the group for sharing!

]]> By: Hasan http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/if-shes-terminal-tell-the-truth-now/comment-page-1/#comment-14706 Hasan Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:05:57 +0000 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/?p=922#comment-14706 People have to face death in their own way, and in their own time. Sometimes "denial" isn't the worst thing because it lets one go on, even if it is imaginary. Lori has it absolutely right--there is no doubt sub-consciously Sheila's friend knows her sitaution, but has chosen to refuse to accept it consciously. Good for her! People have to face death in their own way, and in their own time. Sometimes “denial” isn’t the worst thing because it lets one go on, even if it is imaginary. Lori has it absolutely right–there is no doubt sub-consciously Sheila’s friend knows her sitaution, but has chosen to refuse to accept it consciously. Good for her!

]]> By: Tillda http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/if-shes-terminal-tell-the-truth-now/comment-page-1/#comment-14668 Tillda Tue, 25 Aug 2009 06:13:59 +0000 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/?p=922#comment-14668 If Sheila thinks being delicate with a dying person constiutes lying, I am glad she is not my friend! If Sheila thinks being delicate with a dying person constiutes lying, I am glad she is not my friend!

]]> By: Lori http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/if-shes-terminal-tell-the-truth-now/comment-page-1/#comment-14667 Lori Tue, 25 Aug 2009 06:11:41 +0000 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/?p=922#comment-14667 Sheila: the friend of the woman who wrote yesterday knows <em>exactly</em> what's going on. She is coping with it in her own way. For instance: we don't go around telling people that they are fat, even though obesity can cause big health issues. Why? Because the obese know they're obese! Yesterday's cancer patient knew she was terminally ill, but will cope with it in her own way. No need to shove her face into it. Sheila: the friend of the woman who wrote yesterday knows exactly what’s going on. She is coping with it in her own way. For instance: we don’t go around telling people that they are fat, even though obesity can cause big health issues. Why? Because the obese know they’re obese! Yesterday’s cancer patient knew she was terminally ill, but will cope with it in her own way. No need to shove her face into it.

]]> By: Mary Linn http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/if-shes-terminal-tell-the-truth-now/comment-page-1/#comment-14666 Mary Linn Tue, 25 Aug 2009 06:06:34 +0000 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/?p=922#comment-14666 Couldn't have said it better than Sheila (although I did try, in my comment yesterday). You have an advice column and people listen to you. That gives you a big responsibility. Today you add the weasly line "let us hope'." However yesterday you were categorical about not getting involved. Not very profesional, if you ask me, Couldn’t have said it better than Sheila (although I did try, in my comment yesterday). You have an advice column and people listen to you. That gives you a big responsibility. Today you add the weasly line “let us hope’.” However yesterday you were categorical about not getting involved. Not very profesional, if you ask me,

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