Dear Judy,
When someone dies from lung cancer, is it OK to ask the family if the dead person was a smoker? It might help to prevent further deaths, in my opinion.
Harry in Denver
Dear Harry,
Help prevent further deaths — how? I promise you, the deceased is no longer polluting anyone’s air.
What you’re really saying when you ask a grieving relative if the lung cancer victim was a smoker is: Was he responsible for his own death? Or — should I feel sorry for her or not? I can’t imagine a more insensitive remark to make, and I can’t imagine a worse time to make it.
What you should say, when you learn of someone’s illnss or death (from any disease), is: “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?”
Thank you for writing,
Judy
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