Dear Judy,
A close friend lost her live-in lover to a sudden heart attack (he was 41!). I’ve been a really good friend: calling, dropping by with groceries and DVDs, buying her little bottles of cologne or boxes of chocolate from time to time.
The thing is, this has been going on for at least 7 months. I call her. She never calls me. (Or only to phone back if I leave a message).
Once I stopped calling for a week, and when I did drop by, she said something like, “Oh. I thought you’d forgotten me…”
Judy, at what point do you think it’s ok for me not to phone or drop by, and just wait and see what she does? I’m tired of acting like a nurse.
Phoebe
Dear Phoebe,
Nurses do not phone constantly and drop by for 7 months unless payment is involved. Your good friend is not your patient.
I’d say that 7 months is more than enough time to expect some reciprocity from your friend, despite the severity of her loss. She can pick up a phone. She simply doesn’t choose to.
My advice? Stop phoning and dropping by with little gifts. See what happens.
The next call should be hers. If it isn’t, the call is yours. And by that I do not mean the phone call….
Thanks for writing
Judy
