Dear Judy,
Our first cousin knows everything, especially about my mother, who died recently of a heart attack. Whenever someone in the immediate family makes a decision — or plans a party — or buys an expensive item — this first cousin says, “Your mother wouldn’t have liked that!” or “Your mother would have wanted the rest of the family consulted before you went ahead…”
Drives us crazy. Especially me. Frankly my mother didn’t like her all that much! Next time she pipes up, should we mention this little fact?
Lizzy
Dear Lizzy.
Well if you really want that cousin out of your life — and out of the decision-making process — by all means, mention that little fact.
But no. That would be really rude, wouldn’t it?
So let’s try again. The next time your intrusive cousin tells you or someone else what your late mother would or wouldn’t have approved of, just say:
“Actually, you’re wrong.” That’s it. No further explanation necessary. Not details. No family lore. Just tell her she’s wrong — and be extremely curt about it. And do it every single time she brings up the subject of your late mother’s preferences.
I guarantee she’ll get the message. Eventually.
Thank you for writing
Judy
Or for variety you might try “thank you”.
Lizzy obviously doesn’t like the cousin and maybe her mother didn’t either, but that doesn’t mean that she is always wrong.
Lizzy can put on droopy eyes and say: well, sadly we will never know for sure, will we? That says it all, but does not offend.