Dear Judy,
My friend of 5 years, with whom I was living until November, died of ovarian cancer. We were deeply in love, and when she died, I really didn’t feel there was much left for me in life.
I don’t want to be melodramatic, but I still feel that way. Until I met her, I’d never really cared for anyone the way I felt with her. We were a lot more than lovers (although we were that too). We did everything together.
I have a 10-year-old son who lives with me (and obviously used to live with my friend as well), so I suppose I can’t kill myself (first choice).
But what do I do? And don’t say, Try therapy. I’ve seen that in your columns, and I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work for me. It’s a lot of b-s about “closure” and “the grieving process.” Words that I hate.
Isabel
Dear Isabel,
I am so sorry your friend died. It’s an awful loss, and you will feel it always.
But you will not, I promise, feel it as vividly and painfully as you now do. I know that sounds harsh and remote. But it’s true. The feelings of loss and anguish remain, always.
But they do lessen in intensity. And they become paler and less potent, they don’t dog your every move or your every thought.
So that’s all I have to offer. A promise the agony will subside. But it’s one on which you can bet.
Thank you for writing.
Judy
