Dear Judy,
I am a five year lung cancer survivor looking for a way to help lung cancer victims get over the stigma of the “they-did-it-to-themselves” attitude from the general public. Nobody should judge anyone’s lifestyle and it seems that everyone does something in their life that they shouldn’t.
So how can I convey to people who suggest I am responsible for my own lung cancer that nobody deserves to suffer from or die from lung cancer?
Tim
Dear Tim,
First of all — congratulations on being a 5-year survivor of lung cancer! That’s a great survival rate, and I hope you keep on going a very long time.
About your issue: I’m pretty sure you’ve figured out why lots of people like to blame the victims — people who suffer from illnesses everyone else is scared of. Because that way the healthy can assure themselves (often incorrectly) that they won’t ever be lung cancer patients, liver cancer patients, cervical cancer patients — or whatever.
In other words, if only they take certain precautions (ie don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t mess around etc), these people believe, all serious illness will spare them.
I think you and I know different. Non-smokers get lung cancer. The virtuous can die young (and often do). But the beliefs of the fearful, however erroneous, give them a certain amount of comfort (in the same way lots of people used to believe, also erroneously, they would never be sexually assaulted as long as they dressed conservatively and led a traditional lifestyle).
To answer your other question: I think the best way of parrying rude and insensitive remarks from those who dare to suggest you are responsible for your own illness is to remind them that cancer is an equal opportunity predator — and it never plays fair.
And oh — by the way – if everyone in the world who ever did something dumb or unhealthy were struck down by disease, we’d have just about no one left.
Except very dull people…
Thank you for writing
Judy
Tim seems overly defensive to me. Has anyone told him directly that it’s his fault? Not from reading his question. They suggest it, which means he hears it. Maybe he’s just projecting his own beliefs on to other people.
“thank you for sharing” should shut anyone up. No need to elaborate beyond that. Ever.
Judy, you are either ignorant or naive. While it is true that non smokers also get lung cancer, there is a proven statistical correlation between smoking, a voluntary action, and that sickness. So while no one deserves that kind of suffering, it is unrealistic to ignore the connection between cause and effect, and pretend it does not exist.
No one has to listen to that kind of abuse.