Dear Judy,
My husband’s older brother, who was very wealthy and childless, relied on us — my husband and me — for almost everything in his last months of illness. He had multiple myeloma, and as things got progressively worse, my husband and I, who live nearby did our best to keep things going.
To give some examples: I helped clean the penthouse apartment (or told the regular housekeeper what needed cleaning); I phoned the doctor and the hospice nurses for help when help was needed; my husband, who happens to be a hospital administrator, checked on his brother’s meds, called the pharmacy for refills, and made sure he was comfortable. Which as you know, is difficult to achieve in a patient with multiple myeloma.
When my brother-in-law died three weeks back, I helped tidy the house, and threw out some things that were old and seedy-looking. No one else helped out. There are four other brothers and their wives and even a few teenage kids, and no one lifted a finger, or even offered to.
My husband and I also found some stuff that looks valuable: some good jewelry that belonged to his late wife; a few designer gowns and a gorgeous full-length ranch mink that is still in excellent condition. Also: my late brother-in-law collected old Korean vases and cooking vessels, and he once said my husband should get them.
No one even chose to inspect the house so far, which will soon be sold. Shouldn’t we — meaning my husband and myself — at least be entitled to keep some of the nice things we dusted, tidied up, and cared for?
Sara
Dear Sara,
You mean: because you and your husband performed some tasks — presumably out of love — for a dying relative in considerable pain, you both now thoroughly regret the original motive? And have decided that what you were engaged in was not actually love and comfort but a cash business?
Whatever your second thoughts on the matter and whatever your recollections of your brother-in-law’s verbal promises, I’m afraid you’re going to run into a few legal issues if you haul away without consultation some of “the nice things,” as you term his valuables.
For one thing — and here I’m assuming there’s a will — these “nice things” are very likely now the property of whomever your late brother-in-law designated as his heir or heirs. The appropriation of these “nice things” might therefore be construed by the authorities (not to mention the heir) as theft.
Might I suggest an alternative? Call your brother-in-law’s attorney. Mention the contents of the house. You might be pleasantly surprised if the Korean vases are, in fact, left to you.
Or — you might not.
In either case, thank you for writing.
Judy
Sara never mentions if anyone heard the deceased say that her husband should get the valuables. A big omission!
If your husband’s heirs have an ounce of decency, they’ll give you a share of the estate. If they’re greedy there’s just no point in attempting to get anything. Either way you should be upfront about what was left.
I know my girlfriend would love a ranch mink!! Also maybe some Korean vases (or better thought: I could sell the vases and they’d pay for part of my college loans…) Next time around I hope I pick the right relatives.