http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/my-best-friend-is-dying-and-speaks-only-to-me/ Advice for Dying and Death - When Sympathy Isnt Enough Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:52:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/my-best-friend-is-dying-and-speaks-only-to-me/comment-page-1/#comment-17297 Mindy Wed, 14 Oct 2009 02:59:39 +0000 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/?p=775#comment-17297 Thank you so much Nurse Frye. My best friend has just been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. She only let her husband and I know, now her adult children know as well. We live in small rural area, I must keep a brave face and tell no one, while I am devastated and grieving. Even our dear pastor cannot know, no prayer line etc. I just didn't understand how tired my friend must be with her heart and lungs failing. Thnk you all for being here. Thank you so much Nurse Frye. My best friend has just been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. She only let her husband and I know, now her adult children know as well. We live in small rural area, I must keep a brave face and tell no one, while I am devastated and grieving. Even our dear pastor cannot know, no prayer line etc. I just didn’t understand how tired my friend must be with her heart and lungs failing. Thnk you all for being here.

]]> http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/my-best-friend-is-dying-and-speaks-only-to-me/comment-page-1/#comment-12458 Jeanne Frye, RN, CHPN Fri, 17 Jul 2009 19:02:19 +0000 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/?p=775#comment-12458 May I offer another perspective, well, several actually. Part of the dying process is the act of "withdrawal". It is not meant to be hurtful to those we care about, but it is because we care so deeply that the letting go is all the more difficult. Imagine having to say goodbye (forever goodbye at that) over and over and over again. It is just too hard, so the dying person may begin to make their world smaller as a way of coping. It does not mean they care less about their friends, it means they care too much! Secondly, the energy involved may not seem like much to us, but to the dying it is just too much. Think of a battery with only so much juice left and no way to "re charge" One would have to be very careful of where to use the energy they have left. Hope that helps, please keep in mind, you were honored by being asked to be present during this time, be thankful that were that important to your friend. Blessings! May I offer another perspective, well, several actually.
Part of the dying process is the act of “withdrawal”. It is not meant to be hurtful to those we care about, but it is because we care so deeply that the letting go is all the more difficult. Imagine having to say goodbye (forever goodbye at that) over and over and over again. It is just too hard, so the dying person may begin to make their world smaller as a way of coping. It does not mean they care less about their friends, it means they care too much!
Secondly, the energy involved may not seem like much to us, but to the dying it is just too much. Think of a battery with only so much juice left and no way to “re charge” One would have to be very careful of where to use the energy they have left.
Hope that helps, please keep in mind, you were honored by being asked to be present during this time, be thankful that were that important to your friend. Blessings!

]]> http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/my-best-friend-is-dying-and-speaks-only-to-me/comment-page-1/#comment-12431 Cyra Fri, 17 Jul 2009 05:58:38 +0000 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/?p=775#comment-12431 Am I missing something? Don't we wait for a person to die BEFORE writing their eulogy? Am I missing something? Don’t we wait for a person to die BEFORE writing their eulogy?

]]> http://www.thecheckoutline.org/advice/my-best-friend-is-dying-and-speaks-only-to-me/comment-page-1/#comment-12430 Stephani Fri, 17 Jul 2009 05:55:00 +0000 http://www.thecheckoutline.org/?p=775#comment-12430 No point trying to appease anyone dumb enough to be offended by the needs of a dying person. No point trying to appease anyone dumb enough to be offended by the needs of a dying person.

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