Dear Judy,
My husband and I divorced seven years ago. He miraculously managed to find a perfect new wife over a decade his junior just as the ink was drying. I just learned from our grown daughter, who used to be angry with him, that he has prostate cancer, and it isn’t the slow kind.
The problem is – our grown daughter. She and I always had a great relationship. But ever since her father was diagnosed, she’s become secretive and sly with me. There are long talks with her father (I know, because sometimes when she and I are together, her cell phone rings and I can hear her responses). But when I ask for details about his health, she barely replies.
I feel that somehow or other my ex’s illness is destroying the good relationship I have with my own daughter. And at the same time, I feel they are both suddenly bonding at my expense.
What should I do?
Kathy in Richmond
Dear Kathy,
Here’s what you do: nothing. When your daughter is around and her cell phone rings, ask nothing. When she finishes the conversation with her father, say nothing.
It’s pretty obvious your ex has asked your daughter to keep their conversations secret. It is also obvious he is very ill. You will survive. He will not. You can eventually resume the excellent relationship with your daughter. He cannot.
Let it be.
Thank you for writing
Judy
