Dear Judy,
I know when you read this, you’re going to think I’m a selfish bastard. I’ve read a lot of your responses to a number of emails to thecheckoutline.org, and that seems to be your opinion of men in general. Anyway, my wife said I should write you, so that’s what I’m doing.
My wife’s father has been diagnosed with lung cancer, and it’s obviously bad, but it’s not like he’s going to die tomorrow. We’d planned — my wife and I and our three young children — a big vacation trip around Christmas to Disneyworld. We’ve made the reservations, socked away the money for the trip, and told our kids all about it. They’re very excited, needless to say, and have told all their friends about our plans.
Now my wife says we should stick around during Christmas because maybe we might be needed to help out with my father-in-law and his illness — which I think is totally unnecessary and maybe even just an excuse. My mother-in-law is helping to care for him, and so is my sister-in-law.
Besides, how do we tell the kids that Disneyworld is a thing of the past and they have to spend the holidays watching grandpa hooked up to an IV?
Ken in Cleveland
Dear Ken,
How? Here’s how. “Kids, Grandpa needs us. Disneyworld will always be there. But Grandpa won’t.”
Thank you for writing (I think…). Tell your wife she’s got the right idea.
Judy
Why doesn’t your wife stay home, and you go off to be with the kids? That way she feels she did the right thing — and your kids will have a vacation. By the way, the kids might also learn something from her decision to do the right thing about responsibility (by which I mean the responsibility children have towards their aging parents).
What do the children think? If they are old enough to know about death and dying, they also know about loyalty and responsibility. Try having an adult conversation with them about this. You would be surprised at their insights.
I disagree completely with you, Judy. With the economy the way it is, memorable vacations to places like Disneyworld are going to be totally out of the question in the future. Take advantage of today, the here and now. Enjoy your children while you can. In case of emergency, there are always cell phones and special airline fares (in the event of a death in the family) should the wife need to cut her vacation time short.
Melanie
I disagree completely. With the economy the way it is, memorable vacations to places like Disneyworld are going to be out of the question in the future. There are cell phones and special tickets from airlines if the wife or family need to cut short their time together, in a happy place.
Melanie
My advice? Look for a vacation place near you, one that doesn’t demand a long absence, but is still fun for the kids. That way your wife will feel it’s ok to come along — and the kids won’t be disappointed. It’s a win-win situation — plus your chuldren learn the importance of compromise.
Cancelling because “maybe we might be needed”???? yeah, right…Sounds like she never wanted to go in the first place and is using the medical issue as an excuse. My sympathies for having such a manipulative wife!
Judy is 100% right. Imagine yourself in 30 years in your father in law’s shoes. How would you feel? If you go ahead with this holiday, you are telling your children that old and sick family memebers do not matter as long as our need for pleasure is gratified. Do not be surprised find yourself alone and neglected if that is how you educate your children. Luckily their mother has some values.