Dear Judy,
I don’t know if you receive a lot of questions like this or not, and in some ways I feel stupid for even asking.
My best friend has breast cancer – we don’t know yet if it has spread a lot. But I know it’s bad, because she’s already making plans for The End: doing her will, medical power of attorney, etc.
My question is: when she’s undergoing treatment and feeling bad, what do I bring her as a gift? I hate all those stupid flowers (she does too) which make it seem like the person is already dead.
What do you suggest?
Kathy
Dear Kathy,
Your questiion is anything but stupid. More people should be asking exactly what they should be bringing as gifts to people who are very sick.
I always suggest, if the friend or relative has cancer — and especially if that patient is undergoing chemotherapy or even radiation — that visitors bring something non-edible. Chemo practically guarantees nausea and radiation can make a patient feel weak and unwell. Popsicles — often the cancer patient’s favorite form of sustenance — don’t travel well.
So: bring a video of a favorite movie, or any film your friend is likely to enjoy — cancer patients, for obvious reasons, like escapism. If your friend is fan of some comedian, bring tapes; or if she’s a “Family Guy”-watcher, get reruns.
If you know her taste in music, by all means gets CDs — and a CD-player if none is around. And above all — bring yourself. That’s about the best gift any patient really wants: the support and affection of her friends.
Thank you for writing
Judy
Here’s some advice: many of us are crossword or sudoku addicts. If the writer’s friend is one or both, buy her a book of puzzles that meets her skill level. She will be distracted. She’ll also get a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment when she does them. It will keep her mind off grimmer things. Works for me!