Dear Judy,
I don’t want to go into details (too depressing) but I am seriously ill. Very seriously. Ever since I revealed the news to a number of friends, they’ve been avoiding me. Not all my friends, but a good number. It’s like I’m contagious — which I am not.
Don’t these friends realize I need them more than ever?
Frank
Dear Frank,
If it’s any comfort, the kind of avoidance you mention is not uncommon. Think of avoidance as a very primitive form of self-protection: the analogy to contagion is pretty apt. There is, still, among certain people an atavistic fear that dying is “contagious.”
Also — a lot of people simply don’t know what to do in such a situation. My advice: tell them. If you need someone to drive you to the doctor, ask. If you need medication and don’t feel up to a trip to the drug store, call and ask for that as well.
And if you simply need to vent — phone someone close to you and just do it. Once people are told what to do, or what you expect, they very often are happy to help out.
Thank you for writing
Judy
Frank should be grateful for the unique opportunity to learn who his REAL friends are. And dump the rest.
Some friends are just good enough for vacations. Others for romance or sharing late-night talks. And then there are those who are good in time of illness. There would be less disappointment in human relationships if more people could make these disctinctions.
Well I think Frank should tell people how he’s feeling. This is a time for friends stepping up to the plate.