Dear Judy,
I’ve been married twice, both times happily, and have daughters (3) from both marriages: the third daughter is really biologically only my second husband’s (he was divorced when I met him, and he got custody). But that third daughter is almost like my own.
I say “almost” because that’s the truth of the matter, although I never say this out loud. In my heart my two natural daughters are my own, and dearer to me than my husband’s child — much as I like her. I try never to let these feelings of preference show, though. And I think I’ve done a good job.
I’m now writing up my will: I have a few rings (diamond engagement ring, among other things) and necklaces from my late first husband; and a lot more precious jewelry — sapphire and emerald bracelets, an old diamond brooch, a lovely yellow diamond ring – from my current husband. I just don’t know how to divide all this among the three girls.
Do I do spread around the expensive jewelry evenly? Or do I give most of it to my own two daughters, which is really what I want to do? I don’t want anyone to hate me after I’m dead. But I’m conflicted about depriving my natural daughters of what amounts to a good deal of money.
Ruth
Dear Ruth,
The answer to your question really amounts to this: How do you want to be remembered after you’re gone?
As a person who never truly loved the girl who was left in her care? Or as a generous and affectionate mother to all three of her charges?
Thank you for writing
Judy
Sounds like Ruth has plenty to go around. Most of the expensive stuff is from the second husband, who is the father of the third daughter, so she should be the one to inherit from that lot. What’s the issue here?
Ruth confirms the stepmother stereotype. Poisoned apples, anyone?
Hey Judy, what are you doing answering questions in a vacuum??? How old were Ruths biological daughters when she married her second husband? Did he view them as his? Did he raise them? Is his own daughter the main beneficiary? Jewels have sentimental value, but as Ruth observes, they’re also worth a lot of money and need to be part of the overall financial picture. I’m an estate lawyer. I know.