Dear Judy,
My brother died. He was 48 and involved with a woman not his wife. Who knew? I didn’t! He died in the saddle, I’m afraid, and yes, I’m the one supposed to deliver the eulogy.
I liked my brother, but he had issues, shall we say… His widow, who’s had her eyes opened by recent events, is the one who asked me to give the eulogy at the funeral which takes place in 3 days’ time. She is none too bright, but nice.
So help! I need ideas. Any notion of what I should say? Especially considering the circumstances of his death…
Julia
Dear Julia,
I think you’re on the right track with an early comment: You liked your brother. Eulogies are meant to dwell on the “like” part of the deceased. Not the : “Who knew?” So think about it.
What did you like about your brother? What attributes made you bond with him? Laugh with him? You know the drill. Dwell on that.
Oh — and the saddle death? Best to leave it out.
Thank you for writing
Judy
That widow is one classy lady. After all, there are no secrets here — everyone will know how the man died soon or late. OK, maybe as Julia suggests she’s not a genius, but still — a decent human being who deserves all the support and sympathy the lecher’s family can give her.
Judy’s a professional writer, I’ve googled her. So maybe it would be easy for her. For regular folks like Julia and me, this is an awesone task, full of pitfalls. Say he was loyal to his childhood family, can she use that adjective LOYAL??? Can she say he was fun-loving? Tried to meet new people? Was full of surprises? Almost anything can be a double entendre. It’s a nightmare!!!
I’m weighing in on this, because I’ve been there and haven’t done that. If Julia isn’t comfortable doing this, she should refuse. if she needs an excuse, she can say she will be overcome with emotion and is afraid to stand up. There has to be a friend in the crowd, a man most likely, who has no issues and will do it ok.
Eulogize his talents–a good swimmer, great singer,helped needy children, contributed to charities with his money and time, and so forth. And his personality strengths, traits that reflect the positive–sense of humor, politeness, diligent at his work, and so forth.
Leave the moral distaste, and acrimony outside.