Dear Judy,
I don’t understand something and maybe you can help. I have ovarian cancer, Stage IV (it got discovered very late), and a best friend who, while not really the picture of health, at least isn’t dying. She has some stomach issues and some arthritis, that’s it.
Every time I tell her about how scared I am of dying, or maybe about my family and how bad I feel that I’ll be leaving them for good eventually, she tells me about some symptom of hers. Pain in her right wrist, for instance, or diarrhea.
I really feel she is competing with me in some sickness marathon, which unfortunately I’m going to win, hands down. Is there something I can do to stop her from talking about her symptoms which may be nasty but not life-threatening? Or do I have to compete in this sicker-than-thou marathon til I die?
I’m often tired these days and thin, and I can’t take much more. Tell me how to get her to stop, please.
Terri
Dear Terri,
I am very sorry that your ovarian cancer was discovered so late, although I realize that is often the case with the disease since symptoms tend to come late in the course of the illness.
About your friend. Since you are tired these days and not well, I think it wisest not to engage your friend in a long dispute that would just make you feel worse — and likely not improve her way of dealing with her.
My guess is the two of you might have had a competetive relationship well before illness struck, and this is simply an unfortunate continuation of that tradition on her side.
So you have a choice: You can see less of your friend (which I recommend); or you can say simply when she starts in on her own symptoms, “I’m afraid I’m going to have ask you to leave so I can get some rest now.”
Either of these two methods will work, but I recommend the first as being the most effective.
Thank you for writing
Judy
